I hate when people mention someone in their life by their name without providing me with any context about who this person is.
“So Dylan and I went to yoga class yesterday — ”
Hold it right there. Who the fuck is Dylan. Your boyfriend? Your arch nemesis? Your brother? Your pet sea monkey? Your therapist? Your favourite fictional character? Are you on a first-name basis with your dad? Last-name basis with Bob? WHO THE FUCK IS DYLAN.
anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “not to you”
so after my prom there was an after party and i got home last night at 5am and went straight to sleep and this morning i check my phone and i have 3438 messages from people asking if im okay omfg what hte heck did i do
update: apparently i drank a little too much and danced for 4 hours straight and then passed out on a couch crying about chicken nuggets